Raining on Me
by SilverMoonArcher
Summary: This is a one-shot AU writing exercise: What would happen /in my mind/ if Victoria had gotten to Bella before Alice had that vision of Bella jumping of the cliff.


**(A/N)** Surprise! I wasn't planning on spending time thinking about this, typing this, or posting this. And I stayed up late for a few nights too, thinking and reconsidering and editing and trying not to nod off. But I did, and now I'm proud of it. Enjoy, since apparently it's going to take me a while to post _Twined Eternities,_ the hyper-edited version of _Reunion_.

This is the awakening of Bella. Sort of the prequel to Reunion.

About Jacob; He was so important to the plots of New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn that Jake had to be in this story too. If you hate Jake, look at it this way; he only gets one chapter's worth of appearance, and he doesn't kiss her in this story. Bleh. I hated it when she kissed him in Eclipse. One of the songs that inspired me for this was "Was it A Dream" by 30 Seconds to Mars and "Since You've Been Gone" by Kelly Clarkson.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the Twilight Saga, any recognizable characters, cartoons mentioned, or any songs or recognizable titles, names, and/or labels. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Raining on Me**

After all the pain and screaming and torture, I opened my eyes. I couldn't move and I could barely think. _It's over. I'm immortal._

It was night time still, and I looked up into the full moon. Was it only my new vision that made it glow so brightly? Its rays drifted down like fairy dust, making everything around me glow too. The leaves on the trees. The moisture on the bark. I watched one as it fell slowly down and splashed against my face. Then I took a deep breath, and was shocked by the response of my sense. My throat burned as if I had swallowed fire, and I sat up in surprise. I needed something to put out the fire, and I could smell it close by. But I sensed water wouldn't do the job, and then I froze in shock again while my thoughts spiraled.

I was _thirsty_, I needed to hunt, and I smelled something horrible and maybe even dangerous close by. He was getting closer, and I stood and snarled in warning. Again, I was surprised. I had _snarled_ at someone. Btu there was no time to consider that. My eyes scanned the area around me until they spotted a huge wolf. A few leaps away he paused and cocked his head, and the moonlight shimmered off hi russet fur. He whined and lowered his head, confusing me even as I backed away quickly.

_Everything is so confusing! _

I didn't know why his scent was so strange and why my instincts told me to run. I could barely focus on just him. He was a big wolf, nothing more. My throat was burning, and I was still reeling from the flood of information my oversensitive senses were providing. I wasn't confused by the information; my mind was too powerful now. I was confused by its very strength.

_What should I focus on?_

I decided the wolf was more important after he took a step towards me, still wary and pained. I turned and bolted. And then more distractions. The speed! The clarity! I felt a laugh bubble up, but it was quickly stifled when I heard wolf howl, and then a human call. A voice I knew too well forced me to stop.

"Bella!" Jacob called "Bella, stop!"

I froze and growled to myself in irritation as he continued running towards me from the direction the wolf had howled. Why had I stopped? What was Jacob doing in the woods nearby? I was thirsty! Where was the cure to this burn? Not Jacob! I couldn't attack Jacob. Why was he here? Where was the wolf? What was the biggest danger, the wolf or I? Should I stay to protect him, or run away?

The wind blew, blowing the wolf's stench at me. I hissed, an automatic reaction, but there was only Jacob approaching, and I couldn't smell him.

What was going on? My insides trembling with indecision and fear, I turned around to face Jacob.

"Bells! Bella!" he sounded pained as he stopped a few feet away. I took a deep breath, trying to find the wolf but also wary of my reaction to his blood.

I flinched when I smelled the wolf close by, and then I realized the scent was coming from Jacob. He didn't really smell too tempting…was that because he was a werewolf? _Oh, wait, that big wolf was him._ In my blind panic, I had forgotten. Or was it the new clarity of senses that had made him seem so different and threatening?

I frowned at him, puzzled. This realization that neither of us were in danger had cleared my head a bit. He was not in danger from the wolf, which was in fact the same being as him, and he wasn't in danger from me because his stench helped me stop myself from eating him. I wasn't in danger because there was no wild wolf. Obviously there was no reason to run anymore. But now there were more questions about Jacob. I had to ask them, but I could only start with one.

"Jacob, why do you smell so…different?" I asked, and then my eyes widened at the sound of my own voice. It was like bells. And what had Jacob called me? Bells, Bella. I smiled to myself.

Jacob ignored me. He just stopped walking and stared. I stared back uncomfortably. Why was Jacob staring at me like that? Why did he look like he was in pain? I was still thirsty. But I hadn't attacked him yet. What had I done to him? _Maybe I should try to comfort him_. I took a step towards him.

He flinched and recoiled. My eyes widened, hurt. Was he afraid of me? The thought was enough to stop the spinning of my head. Instead of tumbling like sand, my mind focused and the other thoughts simply vanished.

"Jake?" I asked, uncertain.

My voice made him look away. He took a deep breath and then met my gaze.

"Bella, you are a vampire. I am a werewolf. I thought I had already told you why…" he grimaced and decided not to finish the statement "anyway, you should leave now," he said without emotion.

I blinked. "Why?" and then I shook my head, because my voice sounded so different. Was the rest of me as different as my voice now?

I realized that he had just implied we were enemies. And all because Victoria forced me to change species? It was not like I wouldn't have chosen this life before…I swallowed and tried to refocus on the conversation again. _That was a different life. A different world_.

"You shouldn't be here." he stated bleakly, staring at the forest floor now.

I took a step back now. He was right. I was a newborn vampire. I'd be a danger to him, his family, Charlie…I couldn't be around them, and Jacob didn't even want to be my friend. I had to hurry away from here.

"Where do I go?" I whispered.

"Away from here," Jacob said, his voice wavering.

"Can't I…say goodbye?" I asked.

He looked up again. His eyes were cold, hard. I took a deep breath as this scene echoed another of my past. He watched without reaction as I hugged myself again. "To who? Charlie? You think you could say good bye without killing him?"

This was good, distraction. The pain of hurting Charlie was less than the other pain, because this pain was just a possibility instead of a reality. Still, I flinched and then looked down, and I gasped at the dirty, rumpled mess that I was wearing. It didn't hurt me like Jacob's reaction to me, but the condition of my clothes was just a little more surprising.

"No, I can't. But I have to get new clothes," I muttered to myself "If I have to leave, then I need…stuff…to get away."

He looked at me, and I sense he agreed. "Can you go with me to Charlie's house so I can get my stuff?" I begged. Jacob's eyes tightened, so I explained "I need someone to protect Charlie. If he's home when I come, or if he comes back while I'm there…"

Jacob continued to stare at the ground "He won't be home. He's out trying to get the entire state to look for you."

I chocked back a sob. I'd left Charlie alone. He'd miss me, and I couldn't come back. I would be better off dead.

I closed my eyes. "I'd feel better if you were there," I admitted. Just to say goodbye. This would probably be the last I'd see of him. And I wanted to think that he was using his werewolf strength for good. To protect my father from me, the monster. Not to mention his smell would probably distract me from any human scent.

He stood still for a second, and then drew in a shaky breath. He turned away from me and starting walking away.

"Let's go, then," he called over his shoulder at me. He didn't turn around.

x x x

After Jacob had gone out front to watch for any humans' arrival, I walked into my room and searched for a bag to hold my stuff.

I took my money from its hiding place, my driver's license and passport, a few changes of clothes, and a few books. After deliberation, I took the photo album I'd made, taking deep breaths to keep my thoughts off _him_.

I failed and backed away from the album, pausing in the middle of the room. I heard the squeak of a loose board underfoot. And that little shift in the board brought a scent drifting to me. I froze. Distraction. I needed distraction. Such a faint scent, but delicious. Not the way blood was delicious, but this scent made me sway with its beauty. Forcing myself to be curious about it, I put my pack down and bent down to lift the board.

When I had lifted it and put it inside, I looked inside, and then I couldn't take my eyes off the contents. My arms automatically wrapped around my torso, and I began gasping for breath. That just lifted the lovely scent closer to me. Even though I didn't need to breathe, I just _needed_ air.

_I don't need to breath_, I told myself. _I'm not falling apart_.

But I was, and it took me a while to crawl away from the hole in the ground. Once I was away, the gasps smoothed into breathing. What was I going to do? Would I leave _his_ gifts there? Wouldn't it be healthier for me to leave now, with only what I needed? Did I really _want_ to carry that around in my bag? I couldn't fall to pieced every time I looked inside of it.

No, I would leave them there. They weren't mine, anyway.

But when I went to put the board back, Edwards smiling face looked back at me. My mind immediately tried to compare it to my last glimpse of him, and I froze in terror. I couldn't even remember his face anymore. Not clearly. My human eyes were too weak, my memory to frail. I couldn't forget Edward. Not any part of him. To survive, I needed to remember him. So my trembling finger picked that first photograph up. The first photograph I had ever taken of him. I swallowed. He was so _perfect_. This, at least, was mine, I knew. I could keep this. And if I was going to torture myself with this, I could afford to take the rest.

_Why not?_ I thought as I scooped his gifts up into a bag and stuffed that into my pack. _As long as I keep ripping my heart out to remember his face I might as well enjoy music too._

x x x

I finally walked out of the house through the back door and Jacob waited outside in the rain. His face still betrayed no emotion as he noted my paler face and my small waterproof bag.

"I'll escort you out of town," he told me. Then he turned and walked away.

To make sure I'd go away, as I said I would? I said nothing as I followed behind him. Where _would_ I go? To the Denalis? They were kind to humans. Would they be kind to me? They would at least be able to teach me how to control myself…

x x x

"Where are you going after this?" Jacob asked resentfully. We were far beyond the town limit, and I knew this was our parting place. Our parting conversation.

"I'm not sure," I admitted sadly "I think I'm going to another group of…vegetarian vampires. They live in Alaska."

"Alaska's a big state," Jacob reminded me.

My shoulders slumped. This was so unfair. Jacob was being cruel, maybe on purpose. I'd thought he was my friend, that our friendship could survive a change of species. It had survived _his_ change of species. I had even tried to comfort him about it. And this would be my last memory of him.

"Why are you doing this, Jake? Isn't it enough that I've been turned into a _vampire_?" I cried "She was trying her best to hurt me, Jacob, and this was the worst she could do. I don't _want_ to live forever," I sobbed. _Not without _him.

He stopped and to turn towards me, and I was shocked to see that his face was twisted in anguish. "Bella," he muttered, and held out an arm.

I was still too wrapped up in my own pain to realize that he wanted to embrace me, so he just took a few strides until his blazing hot arms were around me and I was sobbing into his chest.

"I'm sorry, Bells," he told me, his own voice shaky with pain "Bella, I love you, and I know it's not fair. I'm not fair."

"Why," I pressed, blinking against the too-dry feeling in my eyes. Tears should have been following the raindrops on face. "I know I have to go, but why be so…so _mean_ about it? You could have just told me to leave, and I would have. I _will_. But Jake, I thought we were _friends_." I again gave in to the sobs that had broken through during my speech.

His arms tightened around me as he dropped his head into my hair and then lifted it to breathe and then speak.

"My brothers were thinking about destroying you. Our legends say that new vampires are kinda crazy. That they tear through town looking for blood, and that their eyes are always red"

I shuddered. _That's what the…Cullens…say too_, I thought. I knew Jacob would keep me together, or I'm sure the thought wouldn't have broken through.

"I convinced them to let me see first, to give you a chance. They knew you'd be harder to…take down after that, but I couldn't let them kill you…. And now they saw that you _can_ control yourself. They'll give you a chance. But I want you to be far away from here …just in case. I couldn't bear to hurt you."

His voice broke too. I swallowed and then spoke. "So you don't hate me?"

Jacob didn't reply at first. He simply removed one arm so he could use his hand to tilt my face up to his. When I met his eyes, he spoke "Bella, I love you. I couldn't ever hate you. No matter what you are, I still love you. That's why I need you to go. I need you to stay away from us, so we can't ever hurt you."

I closed my eyes and sighed. "Well, at least I know…Thank you, Jake. You know I love you too. I'll leave if you think it best. And now I know that you love me. That's worth staying alive for."

Silence. I opened my eyes, and Jacob was staring at me with a strange expression. Pain was obvious, but there was something else…Indecision? Fear? Or was it something else…? Longing?

"Bella," Jacob said in a low, husky voice as his face neared to mine "I think you should know…that I'm…"

I saw where this was going in his eyes and his words. But this couldn't be. I loved him. I'd meant what I had told him. But not that way. I didn't love him in the same way or with the same strength. Not even close. And would my good bye be a kiss? What kind of good bye would that be? If I knew that I didn't love him and that allowing him to love him would hurt us both, why would I do that to him? This could come to nothing and bring him no happiness. I had to leave, and he had to stay. We were different species, for God's sake!

_You didn't used to mind then_, a voice whispered.

But that had been different. I could join his species. I _had_ joined his species. And Jacob had no hope of joining mine, or I his. And plus, it didn't change anything in my heart. Letting him say the words would be a mistake.

So I shook my head and stepped away from his arms. The tension abruptly disappeared and it was just pain and disappointment again.

"I should leave now," I reminded him "And you should return to your family."

Jacob was staring at the floor again, and the shadow of my heart was wrenching in a thousand different directions.

"Good bye, Bells," he muttered.

"Good-bye, Jake." I stood for a second next to him, and then I turned and ran as fast as I could again.

**(A/N):** Okay, so I've read _Breaking Dawn_. But there are differences between that story and this one; she isn't distracted from the pain and the thirst, like she was in Breaking Dawn. She is worrying about the thirst and how that will affect her, so she can barely control herself. She isn't happy at all, and she didn't want to be a vampire this time. And then, as if the confusion of the world's clarity wasn't enough, one of the first things she smells is werewolf. She's just been tortured by Victoria. She's pretty freaked out. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your view), my mind isn't vampirized, but this was my attempt to tell what she would be feeling if she was in awe of the world's clarity and terrorized at the same time.

**ETC**; I couldn't bear to have her leave Edward's gifts behind.

Oh, and [(grumbling)] I had to look up where the Denali's live. Denali? Anchorage? Is Denali a city or a surname? In the end I decided to keep it simple.


End file.
